About six weeks ago, I went for my first driver’s license test. It was so bad. I was so ashamed and embarrassed that I had for the last 12 years somehow just NOT got it. Then I failed it.
It was terribly traumatizing. So traumatizing that for the six weeks that followed I did not get into the driver’s seat again. With my new date looming, Ian asked me last week how we would be scheduling my “refresher” lessons. I had already made up my mind that I would not be doing this test.
I was not ready.
I actually just was not ready to fail again. My heart was not over having to tell everyone how I had failed yet. To disappoint or even to try.
I had all the reasons in the world, why I could not do the test. I could not possibly take off work this week, I protested. It was so busy, so many things to do and deadlines. There were other things that needed my attention. We actually couldn’t afford all these unnecessary expenses right now, especially if I failed. Ian stayed adamant, so we booked the refresher lessons, which I reluctantly attended. I felt like an idiot doing all this stuff again. Things I already knew. Things that I did not need to prove again. In my heart, I just did not care about this anymore. I was not losing sleep over it. Moreover, maybe it was not part of my life to have it. You know?
Then Sunday came and we went to church, and the message really stirred me. It resonated so much with our situation and me. It made me excited about new seasons. I had such peace. Before my test, I had peace. For the first time, I just gave it all up. I had such peace that whatever was supposed to happen would happen. That if God wanted me to fail this time – He knew his reasons for it. He knew why I failed the first time and this was part of His plan. Not my plan. I knew that His plan was better.
Can you guess what happened?
I PASSED. I actually flew through that test, time went by so quickly. I was calm and collected. It was like an out of body experience. I wasn’t just happy. I
was am ELATED!
Elated synonyms: thrilled, delighted, overjoyed, ecstatic, euphoric, very happy, joyous, gleeful, jubilant, beside oneself, exultant, rapturous, in raptures, walking on air, on cloud nine, in seventh heaven, jumping for joy, in transports of delight;
I still cannot believe that I am officially a licensed driver. I keep looking at my temporary license to remind myself that it’s real. I keep telling Ian over and over again – “I have my license” as though I expect him to wake me up. So yes, now it was worth for me. And as easy as it is right now for me to say that I trusted God’s plan for this situation because it panned out how I wanted it to.
I can honestly tell you, that the ball of nerves that I am wasn’t driving on Monday. That that calm peace that came over me. That was supernatural and miraculous.
I HAVE MY LICENSE GUYS!