I might be completely alone and speaking blankly to the internet on this one. But our current situation has really forced me to dig deep, to be a better person and wife. Don’t get me wrong. I love my husband, and I am in full support of his business venture. And everything that goes with it. But there is a thin line between support, and pressure as I have mentioned before. There is also an even thinner line between support and taking over. So I am learning to play the supportive wife role, for real – after almost 3 years of marriage.
Gloves off! I am generally a strong woman. This should be interpreted as “strong opinions”, “head strong”, “know what I want”, “can be stubborn”, kind of strength. And not the “turn the lid off the chutney” kind of strong – because that’s why we have husbands right? Just kidding. That’s not all they do. There’s the garbage…the braaing… and obviously life partner stuff too. Jokes aside, usually this means I am not short of words when it comes to decisions in our household. Although I do accept that my husband is the head of our home and has the final say, we always approach things as a team. A team where I say a lot and he nods a lot.
You get the gist! I have had to learn to take a step back. Because this isn’t my business, or my dream. I have heard it all. But I can’t see the picture he has in his head, from his perspective. And whenever I find myself getting involved, I feel like I’m pushing my own agenda. My own ideas of how things should be. Invariably I have had to bite my tongue, hush up and just let him be. He didn’t leave his previous job so I can be his boss. Sometimes it means leaving his desk a mess, organised chaos that it is. Other times it means leaving him to work till 1am, even when I feel like I could help better after we have watched “Sons of Anarchy”.
Wrapping my head around being the supportive wife has ultimately made me stop thinking so much about ME… and more about him. Less about what I would like, what I think. More about what he needs and what I can do to make his life easier. More asking him how he’s doing and what he needs. Less waiting for him to ask me, or help me. Listening to him, really listening… taking cognizance and allowing him at times to do things that I don’t understand or fully agree with. Because it’s his journey. It has meant being a cheerleader, celebrating every single win, even the small ones. And being there for the down, crappy days to show appreciation. (Side note: did you see the awesome appreciation gift I got him last week? Talk about a brownie points for the wifey – check it out here!) For who he is and what he is doing this for. Reminding him of the end goal. And singing the song in his heart back to him when he’s forgotten the words.
I feel like a lifetime has passed in the last 3 months. So much growth has taken place – not just for him but also for me. I’m proud to say that I’m not perfect but I am trying. It’s been a humbling and fruitful experience where it’s sometimes a relief to take the backseat. To not always know everything. It’s taught me that sometimes being a part of this team means I’m just there to pray and be. And that is okay.