Things have been quiet around these parts for the last few days. I’ve spent time away from social media unconsciously reflecting. Yes, it was my 31st birthday, and for some reason (please someone tell me I’m not the only one) around my birthday I spend a lot of time thinking.
Not just about a wishlist, or what I would like to receive but more about what this year has meant for me, my life. Ways I’ve grown and what to celebrate about this last year, basically my expectations versus how everything actually played out.
What I had heard about your 30’s…
Once you get past the very real fear of being “older” (around late twenties) and start actually listening to people who have been through the phase in your life you are approaching you hear a lot of, stuff about your 30’s actually being really awesome years. The searching is over. Your life can begin, everything you have thought up, dreamed of is here. You are living it. Apparently you care less about what people think. More about what matters and things are just easier.
A big bang of life changes that get you to easy. Nah, seriously logically things weren’t going to go from really hard to really easy but on the night before my 31st birthday I was like uhm, this year hasn’t been any easier. If anything things have been a lot harder. So much for that advice thanks everyone – for nothing.
My family and I have possibly been through one of the most trying years of my life.
Yeah, I’m still waiting for easy. I’m still waiting for my life to change. For things to “look” like I imagined they would around this time in my life. I might be waiting for that for a long time.
And then I realised…
So it practically took me 5 days to come to this awesome epiphany. Out of these circumstances – I have grown. I am more confident, I know better what it is that I want. My goals are clearer to me, and I may or may not be closer to achieving them but I have a better idea of how to reach them. Man oh man, do I still care what people think. Definitely not as much as before, but it still hurts when someone touches on an insecurity. At times I still feel like it’s all about me.
What I have learnt:
- Everyone lied. It doesn’t get easier. (Sorry to break this to you – if you, like me, were sitting back waiting or that moment.) You just learn how to cope better.
- Love is love. Just that, there’s no unforgiveness, no but’s, there’s just no room for it.
- Multi-tasking my friend is bull. It takes away your ability to be present. No more #humblebragging about being able to do 20 things at the same time. It’s not supermom mode, its supercrazy. It makes you tired. No one is judging you except you – and guess what? You don’t have to do it. One thing at a time is also fine. It has to be.
Profound? Nah. Real? Yes. No big bangs, no big trimmings, just growth in all its ever changing uncomfortable glory. Cheers to the rest of the 30’s.