Mom Guilt: The Payback Factor

I have been AWOL (absent without leave) for a week, whilst my life has been less than its usual imperfect self. All the while looking back now I tried to maintain some normality – which as we know raises even more havoc!The #ECMeetUp was on my calendar (side note: this was amazing!) for a really long time, but early last week it seemed this plan was destined to fail. Is this a Murphy’s Law thing? Because I really, really could do with a break here!

DJ was bitten by a spider last week, and we (hub and I) were suffering from the side effects all week. Which led to us coming down with flu – Ian is officially down. Actually he’s wayyyy down – rock bottom sick at the moment. Get where I am going yet? Where in amongst all this, was there time for me and my plans for #ECMeetUp? What mom does stuff like that? Leave her family in the lurch, while she goes out and has a good time? This was the guilty voice in my head, smearing all the walls of my mind red with feelings of inadequacy. Nevermind I thought, they will be fine. Eventually I did go, because Ian and I had convinced myself that this was important for me.

I must admit though – I really didn’t need too much convincing because I really wanted to go.

#ECMeetUp can yooooou feel it? It is here!!!!! @luchae

A post shared by Venean Bosch (In the Meantime) (@veneanbosch) on May 13, 2017 at 12:49am PDT

Then… I came home. I feel the need to pull my hand over my face at my silliness, but I’m going to tell you about it anyway. So picture this – Ian is sick – and looking it, Daniel is hyperactive, as children tend to be – when you are feeling sick. His toys are laying all over, dishes are piled high in the sink and Ian says with the sappiest voice “Love, I need to have a little nap”. Of course I obliged, even though I really needed a nap too, having a good time is tiring you know?

The poor man, I thought, had been looking after Daniel all morning alone – while sick.

So that I could go out, and do my thing.

I felt so guilty.

I could literally hear my guilt painting the walls of my mind again, instead of just saying: “Thank you for loving me enough to give me this time to just be a blogger”. Which is exactly what I should have said. I ended up –� Talking to myself – justifying, back and forth, with my imaginary judge and jury. It ate me inside up inside, until I said it – “I feel like I need to pay for going out” – GASP! Once it was out I immediately regretted it. I knew that he hadn’t been the one making me feel guilty.

It was me.

I was trying to justify my going and having fun by cleaning, being organised, cooking more, being better. What a silly woman I am! I quickly thought up some reasons why it was okay and jotted them down here for ease of reference. Okay I lied. I didn’t do it quickly. But hey – now they are here so you don’t have to.

Reasons why it’s okay to have fun without your kids:

1. You are more than just a mom. Last weekend I went to a wedding (yes, I did that too) and for the first time in 18 months I felt like a woman again – not just a female who has a baby. Which is mostly what I have been feeling since I’ve had DJ. What a difference it made to how I looked, my body language and how I felt. Girls, we are so much more than just moms – although being a mom is thee bestest thing that has ever happened to me. I also need to be defined as more.
2. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Have you ever heard that saying? It’s a saying because it’s true it means you can only be the best mom for your children and the best wife to your husband when you are whole. When you are a whole person – laughing, walking, reading, long baths and have quiet time with God help me to fill up my cup. Remember that it helps your kids too! (This helps me).
3. Monkey see, monkey do. So we are an example to our kids of what functional adulting looks like right? Or are we? Is this what I want for my daughter? Do I want her to feel crazy? Or guilty when she wants to go out? No I don’t I want her to own it. I want her to honour who she is as a woman, it’s going to help her marriage, her job and her kids. I want that for her. So I also need to figure out how to do it for myself and be happy about it.

Yeah so that’s it – that’s me and my mom guilty wrapped. Just kidding – I’ll be trying to wrap it. If you enjoyed this post, please share with your friends using my links below. And follow me on my handles – Instagram, Twitter and Facebook, I know you are cool like that!

In the meantime – don’t drive yourself insane like I do. Be cool. Have fun! Allow yourself to be!