As cliché as this sounds, I mean no one is perfect – seemingly we all still aspire for perfection. We get an idea in our minds of how it is “supposed” to be, and try to build our lives around that. I am constantly trying to be better. Beating myself up about not being the perfect parent. Don’t get me wrong, I get things right BUT when I do get them wrong. Man, I am so hard on myself.
For me it’s not just about knowing I failed at it, it’s this constant in my mind trying to rationalise why. A little blame, and then eventually starting to think how I can do it better. Of course all of this is really cute and rosey on paper. Positive parenting, spending quality time with your children, be present etc. But in real life – is it actually possible to be all that and a bag of chips all at once? I’m not so sure.
I decided that I would try to conquer one of my weaknesses at a time. Once I am in a place where I feel confident that I am actually getting better at it, I will tackle the next one. Giving myself a break in-between is necessary too. Letting myself be Vee with my friends, without the guilt, another thing I will need to work on. Celebrating my success and when I do get things right.
I need to get back to a place where it really is okay. It’s okay that I sat up until 11 last night fixing school dresses. Checking bags and realising maybe we got the wrong size. It’s okay that we didn’t check the shirts that my kid promised DID fit nicely and didn’t buy a whole set of new ones. It’s okay because I did get a few, and she can wear those. There are solutions that I can act on. Things I can do remedy these human errors, instead of thinking of all the ways I could have avoided the situation. Making the current situation 100 times worst for everyone involved with my attitude.
For the things there aren’t solutions for – well, worrying, stressing everyone (including myself) out isn’t going to help either. As troubling as it is to make a mistake, it means I did try. It means I will do it better next time. It really is okay.