I haven’t been on social media much this last few weeks but every time I have, I’ve nudged on by inspirations, aspirations, goals, and resolutions for 2018. I love the psychological newness that comes with a new year. The fact that the slate is clean and we feel like we can start over with something, be better… at life.Finding my own voice amongst everyone else’s awesome resolutions has been tough though. (Hence this late new year post.) Then yesterday like lightning from the sky I was pushed over the edge by this silly comment. Guys, it was silly – I needed to verify my silliness by posting a rant on Facebook (something I try to never do) and then also just discuss my feelings with a few friends. I was silly, if you didn’t already get that part.
It made me feel so yucky though – so small. As insignificant as this incident was, it upset my whole day – it left me feeling drained emotionally because of someone who probably didn’t even realise they had had this effect on me. It made me consider how much of MY feelings are affected by things outside of my control. In turn my feelings affect my behaviour obviously. It’s human, naturally we are all affected – but like Anthony Brown says in his album “A long way from Sunday” this year I really want to acknowledge those feelings but act on what I know. (This song is like my theme – I will trust in You.)
What does this mean? It means allowing myself to be human, acknowledging the insecurity – it’s there. It’s not going to go away, not overnight anyway. However, my actions don’t have to be influenced by my feelings. So many times, people behave in ways reflecting their own circumstances. The lady opposite the road for example, she never greets – this may be because she is a grinchy lady maybe though just maybe, she is really busy. Maybe she is in a depressive state because of her own situation. Perhaps she doesn’t know if she is coming or going at work – with her kids, or husband.
How would I know? What I do know is that she never greets me. It makes me feel irritated that everyday I greet her and she ignores me. Maybe that is the only friendly face she sees that specific day. I realised yesterday that ranting, and becoming consumed about a really small thing is actually pretty selfish in the greater scheme of things. That I can choose to be more understanding of the fact that I am not the centre of everyone else’s universe and that their behaviour
sometimes most times may actually have nothing to do with me.
So that is me for this year – a small change of perspective. Towards a better outlook, a happier life. To being a better version of me than I was last year. I plan to achieve this with a bit more awareness. Being intentional and a lot of prayer because I am really reactive. What are your resolutions for 2018?