2018 was a really tough year, tough on our health as a family, on our finances, on our social lives… and the toughest on our marriage. Not because I love my husband any less, because I don’t. Really just because I have been struggling to connect. Connecting with your spouse is hard.
YUCK! It even feels terrible writing that.
We aren’t having problems, we’re not fighting, we aren’t even slightly irritated. There’s just a disconnect in managing the life juggle and somehow when everything is in the thick of it’s turmoil marriage is the last thing you think about because well, you’re married.
Marriage is the last on my priority list…
He’s already agreed to be there all the time through all these things. It’s not a priority because getting through this other thing is. And so it slowly and ever so casually travels to the bottom of the list of things to worry about. Until you look over one day and wonder who the hell it is you’re having supper with. Okay I’m exaggerating…
When I met my husband, and everything was fresh and very rosy… As these things always are. I watched all the series he watched, the sport he watched, we went to all his favourite restaurants and we taught one another about each other. It was just so easy to compromise. As time has passed though – I’ve developed my own tastes again, which are different to his. Very different. Especially after Daniel stopped breastfeeding and I can kind of have my own life again.
We very rarely watch the same shows anymore. Aside from Barney and animated stuff of course which our entire household is subjected to daily.
He loves cardio and gyming, I love not gyming.
He enjoys gaming and rap music. I enjoy blogging and really old R&B.
He is really smart and my general knowledge kind of sucks.
I’m emotional and he is rational, logical and methodical.
We are different, and this very thing – is what made him so interesting in the first place.
It is also the very reason connecting again is tough. It’s the reality of our lives unfortunately. After Daniel was born very much more so – we are on the same team always, but our ideas for winning are sometimes different. Talking to him about it prior to this post was very enlightening and really changed my perspective on what I expected this “connecting” to be.
His rational, logical thought out reply went a little a long the lines of… “Yes you’re right, we aren’t on the same page every single day. We’re in the same book though. Speaking the same language, and wading through our own battles whilst still holding the thread of our family together.” This guy though? For him he further explained, connecting was also part of the unconscious things we do daily to make sure we are both okay. Things like holding hands above a sleeping toddler between us. Praying together before bed. Dancing together in the kitchen randomly. Playing our favourite song in the car and singing it at the top of our lungs together…
For once I must say – he has a point. Although these things are minutes in an ocean that we get to share together, they are strung together between staying up with sick kids. Homework that leaves us dumbstruck, meals, shopping and being a human being. Instead of looking for all the things you aren’t doing (which I for one am very good at), I want to accentuate and grow the little things we are doing right.